I tried drinking caffeine again, it did not go well. I had an iced latte at work (why does it taste so good, if it hurt me so bad??) It was fine that day, but the next was a nightmare. My anxiety was as bad as it was on my worst days a year ago. I kept trying to tell myself to relax. I logically knew exactly why I was feeling that way, but it didn't matter. It still felt like the walls were closing in on me. I kept feeling like people I interacted with were annoyed, or upset with me. Even as I told myself they weren't. The day after that I was back to normal. I did a tiny bit of research and heard the supplement L-theanine can help if you take it before having caffeine.Yesterday I decided to risk it again (I love doing experiments on myself YAAAAY) I took 200mg 30ish minutes before an iced matcha and today felt fine. I'll try again with a coffee.
I haven't been sleeping well. I have so much energy before going to bed, then I wake up exhausted. For the past week I've been having restless dreams. I wake myself up trying to move or talk, once I'm fully awake I only remember bits and pieces. Last night it was something about climate change, and impending doom. I woke up drenched in sweat. The ac broke sometime in the early morning.
It's 11:44pm as I write this. It's too hot to sleep. I work at noon tomorrow. Maybe I'll go night swimming, maybe I'll just drown myself, we'll see.
07/06/23
