I tried drinking caffeine again, it did not go well. I had an iced latte at work (why does it taste so good, if it hurt me so bad??) It was fine that day, but the next was a nightmare. My anxiety was as bad as it was on my worst days a year ago. I kept trying to tell myself to relax. I logically knew exactly why I was feeling that way, but it didn't matter. It still felt like the walls were closing in on me. I kept feeling like people I interacted with were annoyed, or upset with me. Even as I told myself they weren’t. The day after that I was back to normal. I did a tiny bit of research and heard the supplement L-theanine can help if you take it before having caffeine.Yesterday I decided to risk it again (I love doing experiments on myself YAAAAY) I took 200mg 30ish minutes before an iced matcha and today felt fine. I'll try again with a coffee.
I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't had a normal night sleep in weeks. I wake up exhausted then slowly feel better. In the evening I finally have enough energy to do things, usually around midnight I force myself to go to sleep, only to wake up exhausted again. I've been having restless dreams. I wake myself up trying to move or talk, once I'm fully awake I only remember bits and pieces. Last night it was something about climate change, and impending doom. I woke up drenched in sweat. The AC broke at some point in the night.
It's 12:46 as I write this. It's too hot to sleep. The temperature in my room is unbearable. Even if it wasn't the house fan keeps shutting off and turning back on every ten minutes. Everytime it makes a horrible buzzing noise and squeals. I'm set up on the couch with a headache and a bottle of water that tastes like blood. At least I start work at noon tomorrow.
edit 12:55 found a big fan in the closet ! yay! the gods be merciful!
07/06/23
